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Posted by Sean Monaghan on 10/01/05 08:18
Terrence Cooter wrote:
> Vote for these people tomorrow.
>
> Matthew Moulton: KOOK of the MONTH Every month special recognition is
> given to someone whose Usenet Kookery is judged to have surpassed all
> others. This is the Kook of the Month Award (KotM), voted (somewhat
> informally) by the denizens of AUK.
>
> WFB/TJ: CLUELESS NEWBIE of the MONTH Similar to KotM, but reserved
> only for the most highly clueless and incorrigible newbies of Usenet.
> The Clueless Newbie of the Month (CNotM) is pretty much the same sort
> of thing as the KotM, but honors spectacular cluelessness on Usenet
> rather than Kookery. Actually being a newbie is not a strict
> requirement for eligibility; but the type of cluelessness being
> recognized needs to be of the sort typical of newbies. If someone has
> been on the net for some time and still acts like a newbie, they're
> eligible.
>
> Dave Hillstrom: COWARD of the MONTH Goes to the biggest yellow
> bastard of the month on Usenet. The CotM has aslo been known as the
> "Brad Jesness" award.
>
> Sycho: GOLDEN KILLFILE Given to the most killfile worthy net.kooks on
> the face of Usenet. This award recognizes exceptional killfilable
> merit; if you are unworthy enough to be ignored by everyone on the
> face of the earth, you are eligible for this award.
>
> Matthew Moulton: VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN "WEIRD SCIENCE" AWARD Given
> to those inspired, pioneering visionaries and their worthy
> inventions, institutions and prides-of-joys, who have reasoned it
> out, who KNOW The Answer, that would know how to use it to make for a
> better humanity....if only somebody would listen to them.
>
> Matthew Moulton: KOOK of the YEAR A just reward for the best KotM of
> the year.
>
> -- Internet Awards --
>
> Kadaitcha Man: LOONEY MAROON AWARD For the greatest net.loon of the
> month, including but not limited to KotM candidates. Formerly given
> by reverse-acclaim, executive designation and outright acclamation,
> now reserved solely for the wild whims of the AUK populace. This
> award is generally given to the least comprehensible candidates.
>
> Spanky the Thunder Chicken: PALMJOB PADDLE Named for the most-spanked
> person in the history of the Internet, Wilhelm Palmer (Bill Palmer,
> aka "Palmjob"). The self-styled Flame Giant, who has never won a
> single flamewar in his existence. This award is given to the person
> who gets spanked (as in, thrashed) the most in a given month, be it
> by their opponents or even their own hand.
>
> Terrence Cooter: HAMMER of THOR Awarded on an as-needed basis for
> exceptional feats of LART strength.
>
> -- Lifetime Achievement --
>
> Kadaitcha Man: BOBO AWARD Given to they who rise above and beyond the
> call of net.looniness, the Bobo is reserved for those whose sheer
> quest at whatever it is they're pursuing knows Absolutely No Bounds,
> crossing the lines of legal dispute, losing everything in particular,
> even death. Several Bobo honorees are, in fact, deceased. Think of it
> as the Internet's version of the Darwin Award.
>
> PJR: BUSTED URINAL AWARD The reward for the Lamest of the Lame on the
> Internet. One who clogs and stinks up the joint like a busted urinal,
> you could say.
>
> Matthew Moulton: UNABOMBER SURPRISE A fitting presentation to those
> most gifted with the Long Wind, they who have the unique talent of
> saying in a million words that which could have been said in one.
>
> ThePsyko: BOLO BULLIS "FOAM DUCK" PRIZE The spoonerism for "dumb
> fuck", for those who've lost more marbles than a Chinese Checker
> factory will ever make. Given in form of reversed
> reverse-acclamation.
>
> BUZZARD: TAR & FEATHERS Reserved solely for the Terminally Clueless
> on the net, those most highly incorrigible past all hope crusaders
> who in another time and reality would've been tarred and feathered
> and ridden out of town on a rail. Preferably one with a bridge out.
> Over a canyon.
>
> -- Samaritan Awards --
>
> Terrence Cooter: GENE SPAFFORD "USENET SAMARITAN" AWARD Not counted
> as a Kook award, but given to whoever shows the greatest helpfulness
> towards Usenet in any given lifetime.
>
> Terrence Cooter: JIM NITCHALS "INTERNET SAMARITAN" AWARD The netwide
> version of the Spaffie, named in memory of the man who showed the
> civilized side of\ spamfighting.
>
> -- Memorial Awards --
>
> Kadaitcha Man: EARL GORDON CURLEY MEMORIAL AWARD Commonly referred to
> as the Curley Award, it is used to commemorate those most emulative
> of Earl Curley, a substance-abusing incoherent crook with delusions
> of godhead with a penchant for censoring all possible opposing
> viewpoints notwithstanding the highly strange ones he himself held.
> This once proud KotM alumnus mastered in the art of sock puppetry,
> participated in mildly amusing but mostly painful websites and had an
> unerring ability towards self-destructive behavior to get back at his
> opponents. It is called Curley's MEMORIAL Award because he is quite
> literally very Dead, the end result of his exhilarting rise in
> net.kookery. Or, as the newsmedia put it simply, "died suddenly". As
> the only one who's gone this far above and beyond the call of
> net.kookery, he deserves an award in his honor, for aspiring
> net.loons everywhere.
>
> Sean Monaghan: GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD Given to
> those brave, inspiring crusaders who will keep up a lost lunatic
> cause despite all odds, even after the enemy has won, set up their
> own superpower in their midst and are chugging Guinness in a
> Kook-free world scenario.
*ding*
> Matthew Moulton: KENNY McCORMICK MEMORIAL MEDAL Named after the famed
> South Park boy wonder, this medal is given to they who lose 5 or more
> Internet accounts as a result of their net.kookery, but keep coming
> back for more, to be killed off again and again and again.
>
> Woodchuck Bill: GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY For that which does
> the greatest impression of Pickett's Charge in any given month.
>
> Matthew Moulton: DOUGLAS E. MACKALL MEMORIAL MACE Named for the
> dearly departed denizen of AUK whose vision of net.loon-free Usenet
> posting freedom helped make AUK the place it is today. Given to that
> which has proven itself most worthy of being ignored by every ISP
> abuse department on the face of the net.
>
> The anal pineapple was not on the list, but that nomination goes to
> Pinku Sensei.
--
Sean Monaghan
http://www.petitmorte.net/sean
AUK Hammer of Thor - August 2005
PSM Hook, Line & Sinker Award - March, July & August 2005
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