Posted by Neredbojias on 09/19/05 23:58

With neither quill nor qualm, Els quothed:

> Neredbojias wrote:
> A regular person, that would be me.
>
> > Identity crisis?
>
> Nah, life is fun enough without that.

One time I looked in a mirror and didn't recognize myself. After a
couple more beers, it dawned on me that the "mirror" was just the
portrait of Mr. Ed I have in my living room.

> >>>>> Men'll say anything.
> >>>>
> >>>> to get what they want.
> >>>
> >>> Of course. It's part of our chutzpah, our charisma, and our chinchilla-
> >>> like charm. Would you prefer us *not* to say anything to get what we
> >>> want?
> >>
> >> That's a trick question.
> >
> > No, a trick question is when you ask a hooker what her price is.
>
> Different trick, different question.

Variety is the spice of life, but in both cases, the less talk, the
better.

> > I've always been rather interested in the abilities of the
> > throat.

> Trying to learn Dutch should be the ultimate experiment for you.

How about this:

"Yeep glocken! Thoust feet-glumps maket da awful racket and t'smell
like stinky bottomland, toot!"

> > I'm more of a beer-and-pork-rinds person when it comes to condiments.
>
> I'll just have the pork rinds thanks, you can have the beer.

Wow, most women I've met can't stand pork rinds. Not many like beer,
either, but they sure can souse up the pricey drinks.

> >>> I'm not a woman, General or otherwise. However, if someone were to
> >>> offer me an 8- or 9-digit figure, I just might consider a surrogate
> >>> performance.
> >>
> >> You said you had a price, but never knew it would be that steep!
> >
> > When you set your sights high, the climb may be steep but the conquest
> > on top is worth it.
>
> Good point.
> Although there's a limit to how steep that climb should be. It's a
> fine line between a worthwhile conquest and none at all.

Quite true. I learned that one morning after apparently having climbed
upon 200 pounds of nefarious night-lifer.

> > The prophet Mohammed is merciful and benevolent.
>
> Was maybe. The guy's dead.

Uh, that isn't exactly the spirit in which you are supposed to take a
benediction. Do you go to church every Sunday and say, "Amen, and good
riddance."?

> >>> -And it's a man's fault for trying to sow his seed as best he can?
> >>
> >> Not really.
> >
> > Glad we agree. Men are the planters that plant the seeds, women are the
> > loam in which the seeds grow, and anything else is just so much
> > fertilizer.
>
> Anything else that helps, yes. There's plenty of de-fertilizer around
> though. If I have to believe television and women's mags, a strong
> de-fertilizer would be the wearing of white socks and loafers.

Yes, but knee socks and patent-leathers would probably be worse.

> >>> Let's face it, both sexes are just victims of biological impulses beyond
> >>> their ability to mitigate so the best thing to do is to "go with the
> >>> flow" and be happy. As they say in Germany, "the wurst comes first."
> >>
> >> <g>
> >> If you'd make that 'as they say in Holland', you wouldn't have had to
> >> change the vowel :-)
> >
> > "Wirst"?
>
> Bad, worse, wirst? What's that, American English?

Oh, you meant "worst". Now I get it. Sort of.

>
> > Unfortunately, when I was over in that neck of the woods, I
> > never got to visit Holland. Some of the boys went to Amsterdam, but
> > when they came back they didn't exactly talk about windmills and
> > dialects.
>
> I take it they were young and foolish at the time.

Men are only foolish when they start to take women seriously.

> Next time you're in this part of the world, you should have a closer
> look at Holland and skip Amsterdam altogether.

I agree. My best times in Germany were generally away from the bigger
cities and more in the small towns and burgs. I travelled around some
to non-famous places in-country and got to see what the land was
actually like.

> (and then maybe have Amsterdam for dessert)

Mmm, don't think so. Sex arcades don't impress me.

> >> [men]
> >>>>> Well, they start out nice but women ruin them.
> >>>>
> >>>> We only honour the requests. Ever seen the face of a man who's just
> >>>> been called 'nice' by a woman?
> >>>
> >>> No, but I've seen some pretty nice asses on women who called me other
> >>> things to my face.
> >>
> >> Your point being.. ?
> >
> > It's better to be specific when you're calling something "nice".
>
> I meant to call the man himself 'nice'. So far I haven't seen any men
> who like that.

They likely interpret it as a lessening of their chances for a romp in
the hay. Next time look down a little and say "Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!"
and you'll probably get a more positive response.

> > For
> > instance, if you eyeballed a man's muscles and told him he had a nice
> > bulge, his face would beam with delight.
>
> Oh yes, that's true. Quite easy to compliment a man.

If it's so damn easy, how come women do it so damn rarely?

> >>>>> Men don't complain; they merely point out observed negatives in a
> >>>>> logical and concise manner.
> >>>>
> >>>> I must have met the wrong men.
> >>>
> >>> It sounds like it. A good man knows how to tolerate a woman without
> >>> offending her, at least until the relationship is consummated.
> >>
> >> Ah, I did meet the right men then. You hadn't stated the consummated
> >> clause before.
> >
> > Well, one should be non-offensive afterwards, too, of course.
>
> If only more men perceived that.
>
> > It's just not as critical.
>
> That's where the man is wrong though. Presuming he would like the
> woman to stay with him.

From your own mouth doest the truth spew.

> > I may avoid a glob of vomit on a sizzling summer sidewalk, but I'm
> > not afraid of it.
>
> Only cause you haven't seen 'The Blob'.

Seen the original with Steve McQueen. Didn't scare me one bit. I even
munched on a booger when I got home to prove it.

> > (To be honest,
> > though, if I see maggots, my stomach churns a little.)
>
> Maggots should be banned from visibility. Nay, make that banned from
> existence. All they do is turn into flies anyway.

But without flies, who would eat all the dog poop?

--
Neredbojias
Contrary to popular belief, it is believable.

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