Posted by Jimmy Snibbler on 10/08/05 20:40

Terrence Cooter <fly_cooter_@example.localhost> wrote:

>In article <xn0e88q471cyva000@kookology.info>, sean@petitmorte.net says...
>>
>>
>>[Forwarded results. It looks like Fly Cooter has broken the record for
>>the most kook award victories in a single month - *seven* awards.
>
>Seven virtual awards with no recognition from any accredited body. The
>vote count was way off too.
>
>
> The
>>previous record was for five kook awards (and two offices), originally
>>set by Emmett Gulley, and recently tied by Steve "BowTie" Young.]
>
>
>What the fuck are you writing an almanac?
>
>>Friendly Neighbourhood Vote Wrangler wrote:
>>
>>> The time has come to announce the winners of the September 2005 Usenet
>>> Kook Awards.
>>>
>>> *ahem*
>>>
>>>
>>> KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>>
>>> Fly Cooter . . . . . . . 31
>>> Brad Guth . . . . . . . 11
>>> neither of the above . . 4
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Poofter!
>>>
>
>Why don't I see TestiClees on there?
>
>>>
>>> CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>>
>>> Fly Cooter . . . . . . . . . 21
>>> alt.astronomy saucerheads . . 15
>>> Nunya Bidness . . . . . . . . 8
>>> none of the above . . . . . . 2
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Socky! Have you worked out yet that an URL in a .sig
>>> isn't spam?
>
>If the signature is deformed, it isn't a signature. Cunt.
>
>
>>>
>>> COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>>
>>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>>
>>> Fly Cooter . . . . . . . . 21
>>> Tom Bishop, alias Jinn . . 14
>>> NunYa Bidness . . . . . . 6
>>> Don Ocean . . . . . . . . 5
>>> none of the above . . . . 4
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Poofter! You just won the top three awards. Don't
>>> forget to tell Mommy.
>>>
>
>Where's Dave Hillstrom?
>
>
>>>
>>> GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>>
>>> The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!
>>>
>>> Yes . . 32
>>> No . . 9
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Psylvia! Are you psboring or pswhat?
>>>
>
>
>You goons should give up trying to rewrite the English language.
>
>>>
>>> VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN "WEIRD SCIENCE" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is... NIGHTBAT!
>>>
>>> nightbat . . . . . . . . 16
>>> Twonky . . . . . . . . . 12
>>> neither of the above . . 6
>>>
>>> Congratulations, fr00tbat! Please don't hit us with one of your black
>>> comets as revenge.
>>>
>
>
>Where's TestiClees?
>
>>>
>>> BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!
>>>
>>> Sylvia Sullivan . . . . . . . . . . 18
>>> Raymond Ronald Karczewski . . . . . 13
>>> Gordon Radavich, alias The Revd . . 4
>>> none of the above . . . . . . . . . 3
>>>
>>> HI PSYLVIA! THE USENET GANGS OFFER THEIR CONGRATULATIONS!
>>>
>>>
>>> BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is... GORDON RADAVICH!
>>>
>>> Gordon Radavich, alias The Revd . . . . 14
>>> NunYa Bidness . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
>>> Warhol . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
>>> Chris Assaf, alias A Former Atheist . . 2
>>> none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . 5
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Gordy. Am I a Jew, btw?
>>>
>
>
>Are you anti semetic?
>
>>>
>>> BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>>
>>> The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!
>>>
>>> Yes . . 38
>>> No . . 2
>>>
>>> Congratulations, G-Dolf! You're definitely in the Bullis class - i.e.,
>>> first grade, or maybe kindergarten.
>>>
>
>Where's The Psyko?
>
>>>
>>> UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>>
>>> The winner is... DAVID THOLEN!
>>>
>>> Yes . . 32
>>> No . . 4
>>>
>>> Pleace to be digesting all the voters, Davie!
>
>
>Where's TestiClees?
>
>>>
>>> TAR & FEATHERS
>>>
>>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>>
>>> Yes . . 41
>>> No . . 3
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Poofter! Rarely has such lameness been seen on
>>> Usenet.
>>>
>
>
>
>Where's Buzzard?
>
>>>
>>> KENNY McCORMICK MEMORIAL MEDAL
>>>
>>> The winner is... UNI!
>>>
>>> Yes . . 31
>>> No . . 3
>>>
>>> Well done, Unitard! Maybe you can contrive to lose another five
>>> accounts soon.
>>>
>>>
>>> GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>>
>>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>>
>>> Yes . . 38
>>> No . . 5
>>>
>>> Congratulations on defeating yourself by a knockout, Poofter!
>>>
>
>Where's Woodhcuck?
>
>>>
>>> PALMJOB PADDLE
>>>
>>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>>
>>> Yes . . 38
>>> No . . 4
>>>
>>> Poofter lost a flame war against Hatter. Against Hatter! He lost a
>>> flame war against Hatter! Words fail me.
>>>
>
>
>There wasn't ever any war, drama queen.
>
>>>
>>> ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>>
>>> The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!
>>>
>>> Yes . . 32
>>> No . . 5
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Geraldine! Your Psylvia sock is overdue for
>>> retirement, IMO.
>>>
>>>
>>> GOOFY AZZED BABBOON
>>>
>>> The winner is... COLONEL JAKE!
>>>
>>> Colonel Jake . . . . . . . . . . 14
>>> Lightwing, alias his_elect_07 . . 12
>>> neither of the above . . . . . . 5
>>>
>>> Well done, Jake! VK all the gibberish-generating way!
>>>
>>>
>
>
>Where's TestiClees?
>
>
>>> 72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is... LIGHTWING!
>>>
>>> Lightwing, alias his_elect_07 . . 15
>>> Dore Williamson . . . . . . . . . 14
>>> neither of the above . . . . . . 4
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Prince! Can anyone join your church of the holy
>>> asterisk, or does one have to be insane?
>>>
>>>
>>> JOSEPH BARTLO "PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winners are... FLY COOTER and ONIDEUS MAD HATTER!
>>>
>>> Fly Cooter & Onideus Mad Hatter . . 23
>>> Uni . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
>>> Alan Connor . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
>>> Moris, alias superglue . . . . . . 4
>>> none of the above . . . . . . . . . 2
>>>
>>> Congratulations, bois! Have you considered visiting a marriage
>>> guidance counsellor together?
>>>
>
>This one in the only one that fucking pisses me off. And where's Pinko?
>
>
>>>
>>> SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>>
>>> The winners are... VITO KUHN and THE FAM.* HIERARCHY!
>>>
>>> Vito Kuhn & fam.* . . . 24
>>> Gerald Newton . . . . . 10
>>> neither of the above . . 3
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Frito! This is probably the first time a whole
>>> hierarchy has been spanked out of existence by a small number of
>>> posts about wood. How sad!
>>>
>>>
>>> TONY SIDAWAY MEMORIAL "DRAMA QUEEN" AWARD
>>>
>>> The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!
>>>
>>> Gerald Newton . . . . . . . . 19
>>> Raymond Ronald Karczewski . . 12
>>> nightbat . . . . . . . . . . 7
>>> none of the above . . . . . . 1
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Gerry! Oh wait, Gerry has left for ever. Oh wait, no,
>>> he's back. Oh wait...
>>>
>>>
>>> BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG WHISTLE
>>>
>>> The winners are... UNI, and his trainer, ARATZIO!
>>>
>>> Uni, trained by Aratzio . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
>>> Chuck Lysaght, trained by K A Cannon . . . . . 12
>>> Joseph Bartlo, trained by Cujo DeSockpuppet . . 9
>>> none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
>>>
>>> Congratulations to Aratzio on a fine training performance!
>>>
>>>
>>> OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>>
>>> The appointee is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!
>>>
>>> Sylvia Sullivan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
>>> John Bunt, alias Guy Fawkes . . . . . . . . . 12
>>> Robert Wolfe, alias Michael Davis Disorder . . 8
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Psylvia!
>>>
>>>
>>> OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>>
>>> The appointee is... CHUCK LYSAGHT!
>>>
>>> Chuck Lysaght, alias the messenjah . . 15
>>> Kenneth R Pangborn . . . . . . . . . . 14
>>> Gerald Newton . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Chucknozzle! Now that you no longer share this Office
>>> with Kenny, you're really ALONE.
>>>
>>>
>>> PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>>
>>> The result is... a TIE!
>>>
>>> Gary L. Burnore & DataBasix . . . . . . 12
>>> Kadaitcha Man & Fred Tehbot . . . . . . 12
>>> Jimmy Snibbler, alias Charles Newton . . 5
>>> none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . 5
>>>
>>> The best 404 page and the best bot are both rewarded. Well done!
>>>
>>>
>>> HAMMER OF THOR
>>>
>>> The winners are... ART DECO!
>>>
>>> Yes . . 35
>>> No . . 6
>>>
>
>Artsie Fartsie sat on a wall
>Artsie Fartsie had a great fall
>All the king's horses all the king's slaves
>Couldn't believe Artsie was so fucking lame.
>
>
>>> ...and BOB OFFICER!
>>>
>>> Yes . . 33
>>> No . . 8
>>>
>>> ...and ARCHIE LEACH!
>>>
>>> Yes . . 26
>>> No . . 9
>>>
>>> Congratulations! I wish all three of you many more years of happy
>>> kook-smacking.
>>>
>>>
>>> This concludes the results of the September ballot.
>
>
>The results are wrong.
>
>Three of the 55
>>> ballot papers received were considered invalid.
>
>WILD FUCKING GUESS. Mine was one of the "invalid"? 54 people broke one of
>the rules. They replied to incomplete ballots. I protest these results.
>
>The next ballot will
>>> appear on a date that the Usenet ghouls will be unable to predict.
>>> Until then, farewell!
>
>Go fuck yourself.

Congratulations, k0oKF0amEr! YOU DESERVED EVERY ONE OF THEM.

[Back to original message]