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Posted by Phoenix on 10/01/05 21:03
In article <433e16fd@usenet.zapto.org>,
Terrence Cooter <fly_cooter_@example.localhost> wrote:
> Vote for these people tomorrow.
>
> Matthew Moulton: KOOK of the MONTH Every month special recognition is given
> to
> someone whose Usenet Kookery is judged to have surpassed all others. This is
> the Kook of the Month Award (KotM), voted (somewhat informally) by the
> denizens of AUK.
>
> WFB/TJ: CLUELESS NEWBIE of the MONTH Similar to KotM, but reserved only for
> the most highly clueless and incorrigible newbies of Usenet. The Clueless
> Newbie of the Month (CNotM) is pretty much the same sort of thing as the
> KotM,
> but honors spectacular cluelessness on Usenet rather than Kookery. Actually
> being a newbie is not a strict requirement for eligibility; but the type of
> cluelessness being recognized needs to be of the sort typical of newbies. If
> someone has been on the net for some time and still acts like a newbie,
> they're eligible.
>
> Dave Hillstrom: COWARD of the MONTH Goes to the biggest yellow bastard of the
> month on Usenet. The CotM has aslo been known as the "Brad Jesness" award.
>
> Sycho: GOLDEN KILLFILE Given to the most killfile worthy net.kooks on the
> face
> of Usenet. This award recognizes exceptional killfilable merit; if you are
> unworthy enough to be ignored by everyone on the face of the earth, you are
> eligible for this award.
>
> Matthew Moulton: VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN "WEIRD SCIENCE" AWARD Given to those
> inspired, pioneering visionaries and their worthy inventions, institutions
> and
> prides-of-joys, who have reasoned it out, who KNOW The Answer, that would
> know
> how to use it to make for a better humanity....if only somebody would listen
> to them.
>
> Matthew Moulton: KOOK of the YEAR A just reward for the best KotM of the
> year.
>
> -- Internet Awards --
>
> Kadaitcha Man: LOONEY MAROON AWARD For the greatest net.loon of the month,
> including but not limited to KotM candidates. Formerly given by
> reverse-acclaim, executive designation and outright acclamation, now reserved
> solely for the wild whims of the AUK populace. This award is generally given
> to the least comprehensible candidates.
>
> Spanky the Thunder Chicken: PALMJOB PADDLE Named for the most-spanked person
> in the history of the Internet, Wilhelm Palmer (Bill Palmer, aka "Palmjob").
> The self-styled Flame Giant, who has never won a single flamewar in his
> existence. This award is given to the person who gets spanked (as in,
> thrashed) the most in a given month, be it by their opponents or even their
> own hand.
>
> Terrence Cooter: HAMMER of THOR Awarded on an as-needed basis for exceptional
> feats of LART strength.
>
> -- Lifetime Achievement --
>
> Kadaitcha Man: BOBO AWARD Given to they who rise above and beyond the call of
> net.looniness, the Bobo is reserved for those whose sheer quest at whatever
> it
> is they're pursuing knows Absolutely No Bounds, crossing the lines of legal
> dispute, losing everything in particular, even death. Several Bobo honorees
> are, in fact, deceased. Think of it as the Internet's version of the Darwin
> Award.
>
> PJR: BUSTED URINAL AWARD The reward for the Lamest of the Lame on the
> Internet. One who clogs and stinks up the joint like a busted urinal, you
> could say.
>
> Matthew Moulton: UNABOMBER SURPRISE A fitting presentation to those most
> gifted with the Long Wind, they who have the unique talent of saying in a
> million words that which could have been said in one.
>
> ThePsyko: BOLO BULLIS "FOAM DUCK" PRIZE The spoonerism for "dumb fuck", for
> those who've lost more marbles than a Chinese Checker factory will ever make.
> Given in form of reversed reverse-acclamation.
>
> BUZZARD: TAR & FEATHERS Reserved solely for the Terminally Clueless on the
> net, those most highly incorrigible past all hope crusaders who in another
> time and reality would've been tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on
> a rail. Preferably one with a bridge out. Over a canyon.
>
> -- Samaritan Awards --
>
> Terrence Cooter: GENE SPAFFORD "USENET SAMARITAN" AWARD Not counted as a Kook
> award, but given to whoever shows the greatest helpfulness towards Usenet in
> any given lifetime.
>
> Terrence Cooter: JIM NITCHALS "INTERNET SAMARITAN" AWARD The netwide version
> of the Spaffie, named in memory of the man who showed the civilized side of\
> spamfighting.
>
> -- Memorial Awards --
>
> Kadaitcha Man: EARL GORDON CURLEY MEMORIAL AWARD Commonly referred to as the
> Curley Award, it is used to commemorate those most emulative of Earl Curley,
> a
> substance-abusing incoherent crook with delusions of godhead with a penchant
> for censoring all possible opposing viewpoints notwithstanding the highly
> strange ones he himself held. This once proud KotM alumnus mastered in the
> art
> of sock puppetry, participated in mildly amusing but mostly painful websites
> and had an unerring ability towards self-destructive behavior to get back at
> his opponents. It is called Curley's MEMORIAL Award because he is quite
> literally very Dead, the end result of his exhilarting rise in net.kookery.
> Or, as the newsmedia put it simply, "died suddenly". As the only one who's
> gone this far above and beyond the call of net.kookery, he deserves an award
> in his honor, for aspiring net.loons everywhere.
>
> Sean Monaghan: GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD Given to those
> brave, inspiring crusaders who will keep up a lost lunatic cause despite all
> odds, even after the enemy has won, set up their own superpower in their
> midst
> and are chugging Guinness in a Kook-free world scenario.
>
> Matthew Moulton: KENNY McCORMICK MEMORIAL MEDAL Named after the famed South
> Park boy wonder, this medal is given to they who lose 5 or more Internet
> accounts as a result of their net.kookery, but keep coming back for more, to
> be killed off again and again and again.
>
> Woodchuck Bill: GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY For that which does the
> greatest impression of Pickett's Charge in any given month.
>
> Matthew Moulton: DOUGLAS E. MACKALL MEMORIAL MACE Named for the dearly
> departed denizen of AUK whose vision of net.loon-free Usenet posting freedom
> helped make AUK the place it is today. Given to that which has proven itself
> most worthy of being ignored by every ISP abuse department on the face of the
> net.
>
> The anal pineapple was not on the list, but that nomination goes to Pinku
> Sensei.
DENIED in full. How do you keep your balance running in circles so fast?
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