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Posted by Terrence Cooter on 10/08/05 20:30
In article <xn0e88q471cyva000@kookology.info>, sean@petitmorte.net says...
>
>
>[Forwarded results. It looks like Fly Cooter has broken the record for
>the most kook award victories in a single month - *seven* awards.
Seven virtual awards with no recognition from any accredited body. The
vote count was way off too.
The
>previous record was for five kook awards (and two offices), originally
>set by Emmett Gulley, and recently tied by Steve "BowTie" Young.]
What the fuck are you writing an almanac?
>Friendly Neighbourhood Vote Wrangler wrote:
>
>> The time has come to announce the winners of the September 2005 Usenet
>> Kook Awards.
>>
>> *ahem*
>>
>>
>> KOOK OF THE MONTH
>>
>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>
>> Fly Cooter . . . . . . . 31
>> Brad Guth . . . . . . . 11
>> neither of the above . . 4
>>
>> Congratulations, Poofter!
>>
Why don't I see TestiClees on there?
>>
>> CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>>
>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>
>> Fly Cooter . . . . . . . . . 21
>> alt.astronomy saucerheads . . 15
>> Nunya Bidness . . . . . . . . 8
>> none of the above . . . . . . 2
>>
>> Congratulations, Socky! Have you worked out yet that an URL in a .sig
>> isn't spam?
If the signature is deformed, it isn't a signature. Cunt.
>>
>> COWARD OF THE MONTH
>>
>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>
>> Fly Cooter . . . . . . . . 21
>> Tom Bishop, alias Jinn . . 14
>> NunYa Bidness . . . . . . 6
>> Don Ocean . . . . . . . . 5
>> none of the above . . . . 4
>>
>> Congratulations, Poofter! You just won the top three awards. Don't
>> forget to tell Mommy.
>>
Where's Dave Hillstrom?
>>
>> GOLDEN KILLFILE
>>
>> The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!
>>
>> Yes . . 32
>> No . . 9
>>
>> Congratulations, Psylvia! Are you psboring or pswhat?
>>
You goons should give up trying to rewrite the English language.
>>
>> VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN "WEIRD SCIENCE" AWARD
>>
>> The winner is... NIGHTBAT!
>>
>> nightbat . . . . . . . . 16
>> Twonky . . . . . . . . . 12
>> neither of the above . . 6
>>
>> Congratulations, fr00tbat! Please don't hit us with one of your black
>> comets as revenge.
>>
Where's TestiClees?
>>
>> BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>
>> The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!
>>
>> Sylvia Sullivan . . . . . . . . . . 18
>> Raymond Ronald Karczewski . . . . . 13
>> Gordon Radavich, alias The Revd . . 4
>> none of the above . . . . . . . . . 3
>>
>> HI PSYLVIA! THE USENET GANGS OFFER THEIR CONGRATULATIONS!
>>
>>
>> BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>>
>> The winner is... GORDON RADAVICH!
>>
>> Gordon Radavich, alias The Revd . . . . 14
>> NunYa Bidness . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
>> Warhol . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
>> Chris Assaf, alias A Former Atheist . . 2
>> none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . 5
>>
>> Congratulations, Gordy. Am I a Jew, btw?
>>
Are you anti semetic?
>>
>> BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
>>
>> The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!
>>
>> Yes . . 38
>> No . . 2
>>
>> Congratulations, G-Dolf! You're definitely in the Bullis class - i.e.,
>> first grade, or maybe kindergarten.
>>
Where's The Psyko?
>>
>> UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>>
>> The winner is... DAVID THOLEN!
>>
>> Yes . . 32
>> No . . 4
>>
>> Pleace to be digesting all the voters, Davie!
Where's TestiClees?
>>
>> TAR & FEATHERS
>>
>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>
>> Yes . . 41
>> No . . 3
>>
>> Congratulations, Poofter! Rarely has such lameness been seen on
>> Usenet.
>>
Where's Buzzard?
>>
>> KENNY McCORMICK MEMORIAL MEDAL
>>
>> The winner is... UNI!
>>
>> Yes . . 31
>> No . . 3
>>
>> Well done, Unitard! Maybe you can contrive to lose another five
>> accounts soon.
>>
>>
>> GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>>
>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>
>> Yes . . 38
>> No . . 5
>>
>> Congratulations on defeating yourself by a knockout, Poofter!
>>
Where's Woodhcuck?
>>
>> PALMJOB PADDLE
>>
>> The winner is... FLY COOTER!
>>
>> Yes . . 38
>> No . . 4
>>
>> Poofter lost a flame war against Hatter. Against Hatter! He lost a
>> flame war against Hatter! Words fail me.
>>
There wasn't ever any war, drama queen.
>>
>> ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
>>
>> The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!
>>
>> Yes . . 32
>> No . . 5
>>
>> Congratulations, Geraldine! Your Psylvia sock is overdue for
>> retirement, IMO.
>>
>>
>> GOOFY AZZED BABBOON
>>
>> The winner is... COLONEL JAKE!
>>
>> Colonel Jake . . . . . . . . . . 14
>> Lightwing, alias his_elect_07 . . 12
>> neither of the above . . . . . . 5
>>
>> Well done, Jake! VK all the gibberish-generating way!
>>
>>
Where's TestiClees?
>> 72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD
>>
>> The winner is... LIGHTWING!
>>
>> Lightwing, alias his_elect_07 . . 15
>> Dore Williamson . . . . . . . . . 14
>> neither of the above . . . . . . 4
>>
>> Congratulations, Prince! Can anyone join your church of the holy
>> asterisk, or does one have to be insane?
>>
>>
>> JOSEPH BARTLO "PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE" AWARD
>>
>> The winners are... FLY COOTER and ONIDEUS MAD HATTER!
>>
>> Fly Cooter & Onideus Mad Hatter . . 23
>> Uni . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
>> Alan Connor . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
>> Moris, alias superglue . . . . . . 4
>> none of the above . . . . . . . . . 2
>>
>> Congratulations, bois! Have you considered visiting a marriage
>> guidance counsellor together?
>>
This one in the only one that fucking pisses me off. And where's Pinko?
>>
>> SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
>>
>> The winners are... VITO KUHN and THE FAM.* HIERARCHY!
>>
>> Vito Kuhn & fam.* . . . 24
>> Gerald Newton . . . . . 10
>> neither of the above . . 3
>>
>> Congratulations, Frito! This is probably the first time a whole
>> hierarchy has been spanked out of existence by a small number of
>> posts about wood. How sad!
>>
>>
>> TONY SIDAWAY MEMORIAL "DRAMA QUEEN" AWARD
>>
>> The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!
>>
>> Gerald Newton . . . . . . . . 19
>> Raymond Ronald Karczewski . . 12
>> nightbat . . . . . . . . . . 7
>> none of the above . . . . . . 1
>>
>> Congratulations, Gerry! Oh wait, Gerry has left for ever. Oh wait, no,
>> he's back. Oh wait...
>>
>>
>> BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG WHISTLE
>>
>> The winners are... UNI, and his trainer, ARATZIO!
>>
>> Uni, trained by Aratzio . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
>> Chuck Lysaght, trained by K A Cannon . . . . . 12
>> Joseph Bartlo, trained by Cujo DeSockpuppet . . 9
>> none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
>>
>> Congratulations to Aratzio on a fine training performance!
>>
>>
>> OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>>
>> The appointee is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!
>>
>> Sylvia Sullivan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
>> John Bunt, alias Guy Fawkes . . . . . . . . . 12
>> Robert Wolfe, alias Michael Davis Disorder . . 8
>>
>> Congratulations, Psylvia!
>>
>>
>> OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>>
>> The appointee is... CHUCK LYSAGHT!
>>
>> Chuck Lysaght, alias the messenjah . . 15
>> Kenneth R Pangborn . . . . . . . . . . 14
>> Gerald Newton . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
>>
>> Congratulations, Chucknozzle! Now that you no longer share this Office
>> with Kenny, you're really ALONE.
>>
>>
>> PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>>
>> The result is... a TIE!
>>
>> Gary L. Burnore & DataBasix . . . . . . 12
>> Kadaitcha Man & Fred Tehbot . . . . . . 12
>> Jimmy Snibbler, alias Charles Newton . . 5
>> none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . 5
>>
>> The best 404 page and the best bot are both rewarded. Well done!
>>
>>
>> HAMMER OF THOR
>>
>> The winners are... ART DECO!
>>
>> Yes . . 35
>> No . . 6
>>
Artsie Fartsie sat on a wall
Artsie Fartsie had a great fall
All the king's horses all the king's slaves
Couldn't believe Artsie was so fucking lame.
>> ...and BOB OFFICER!
>>
>> Yes . . 33
>> No . . 8
>>
>> ...and ARCHIE LEACH!
>>
>> Yes . . 26
>> No . . 9
>>
>> Congratulations! I wish all three of you many more years of happy
>> kook-smacking.
>>
>>
>> This concludes the results of the September ballot.
The results are wrong.
Three of the 55
>> ballot papers received were considered invalid.
WILD FUCKING GUESS. Mine was one of the "invalid"? 54 people broke one of
the rules. They replied to incomplete ballots. I protest these results.
The next ballot will
>> appear on a date that the Usenet ghouls will be unable to predict.
>> Until then, farewell!
Go fuck yourself.
--
Terrence Cooter
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