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Posted by Luigi Donatello Asero on 11/19/86 11:34
"Disco Octopus" <discooctopus@yahoo.com> skrev i meddelandet
news:1onhczo3btpcz$.zniffrq0romp$.dlg@40tude.net...
> Luigi Donatello Asero wrote:
>
> > I mean, if you say that a certain behaviour is unaustralian, then you
need
> > define what is australian!
>
>
> We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional
> wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from
> New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we
> reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We
> are One Nation but divided into many States.
> First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
> lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand
> final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief
> marketing pitch is that it's liveable. At least that's what they think.
The
> rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.
> Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin
> books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has
> more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its
> mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to
> keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.
> Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family
> that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra
> chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest
> faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the
> Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.
> South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
> foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where
> else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in
> Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the
> Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One
> drivers to sleep at the wheel.
> Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim
> to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the
> men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last
> state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the
> government and business.
> The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep
> stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty
> kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere
> on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of
> anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national
> culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to flyover it on our way
> to Bali.
> And there's Queensland. While any mention of god seems silly in a document
> defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that god
> probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next.
> Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.
> Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better.
> We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists
> and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our
> lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy
> when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better
> than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political
party
> albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still not win
> one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to
> our Pommy immigrants...
> We want to make no worries mate our national phrase, she'll be right mate
> our national attitude and Waltzing Matilda our national anthem (so what if
> it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We love sport so
> much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still
> tell us who's winning.
> And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like
cricket,
> netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse
> racing.
> We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst dressed
> Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a pizza delivery
get
> to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Australia do we have bank
> doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras but chain the pens to the
> desk.
> Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and
> pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded,
> sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.
> I am, you are, we are Australian!
> We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our national coat of
> arms. No other country has this distinction
Interesting.
Perhaps I can ask some questions on what you wrote another time.
--
Luigi Donatello Asero
https://www.scaiecat-spa-gigi.com/sv/rom-lagenhet-nara-colosseo.php
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