How To Be An Internet Victim
| Category: Entrepreneurship | Date: 2001-07-26 |
You might think this would be a pretty easy subject. The problem is boiling it all down to something manageable. There are just so many ways to get conned, bamboozled, shafted, hosed, filleted, taken, flambйd and screwed on the Internet. Well, I'll give you some general guidelines and you can adapt them to your own situation.
Let's first make sure you're in the proper frame of mind. Believe, really believe, that The World is anxiously awaiting the opportunity to make you rich with little or no work on your part. (After all, work is often very time consuming and it can be pretty hard. It's best to just avoid work whenever possible.)
Don't forget Wishing! Wishing is important. Who needs goals and plans and all that "worky stuff" when you can wish upon a star? Wish upon your grandmother's pet duck, if you like, it really doesn't matter.
Okay, you're ready:
1. Believe everything you read. Assume since these people are already doing business on the Internet that they are The Authorities. Take a 1950's approach and believe whatever The Authorities tell you. Never question authority. This isn't The Sixties, y'know.
2. Accept that some slimeball - Oops! - Authority really does have "the secret" that will allow you to earn $47,351.06 every day while strolling the mall in your jammies. Or whatever they're promising.
Further conclude that he-she-it actually is a Generous and Caring Person who wants to share that "secret" with little ol'you. That would be in exchange for your sharing your money with him-her-it. It's unlikely you'll ever know anyone's name, so you'll just have to slap sticky-notes of gratitude on your monitor.
3. Trust SPAM. No, I don't mean the meat-like product that helped win World War II, I mean unsolicited email advertising. If you've been online longer than 37 seconds, you are most likely getting spam from something like "slick@scamfast.con" and his troll buddies.
One of the many things Slick likes to tempt you with is the chance to make big money by doing nothing more demanding than sending a few emails, or placing some ads, or something very simple-sounding. Oh, don't worry even a minute about the $99.95 set-up fee he wants from you today. Once you get started, Slick assures you, cash will be pouring into your mailbox every day!
Right. Cash. Which mailbox would that be, Slick? How does one email cash? Oh, they'll take care of that for you...
Another spam-borne favorite - you won't want to miss this one - is the golden opportunity to get in on the latest Deal of The Millennium "pre-launch". They don't quite tell you what It is. But It is very exciting and It is about to be launched worldwide! (must be a ship - Bon Voyage, Titanic!) For just $69.95 you can secure your place on board so when It launches (uh-huh) you'll be there! Maybe then they'll tell you what It is. Maybe not.
4. Never ask for references! You'll hurt someone's feelings and they'll think you don't trust them. I'm shocked you'd even bring it up! Shocked, I tell you!
5. Act impulsively. Buy now! Don't stop to wonder if the Secret to Making Tons of Money on The Internet Without Working is getting people - like you for example - to pay for the privilege of learning The Secret. Hurry and buy before your brain finds out what you're doing! You know how dreary thinking can be.
6. Believe that all time-sensitive offers actually are. Accept the "fact" that if you don't buy your very own goldtone buggy whip for $129.95 (normally retailing for $889.95) before midnight tonight, you'll never have another chance. Well, certainly not before tomorrow.
That should do it. You'll be finished soon. When you are, maybe you'll want to write a book about your experiences. You can call it "Gullible's Travels".
© 2001 Kent E. Butler All rights reserved.
About the Author
Kent Butler has been writing for business for 30+ years and objects to tech-speak.If you want to get the best from your computer and Internet experiences, claim your free membership (with Kent) in The Newbie Club (all plain English!) by going to http://newbieclub.com/cgi-bin/sgx/d.cgi?GetHelp
:To contact see details below.
keb@bayserve.net
http://www.butlermarketinggroup.com/
Let's first make sure you're in the proper frame of mind. Believe, really believe, that The World is anxiously awaiting the opportunity to make you rich with little or no work on your part. (After all, work is often very time consuming and it can be pretty hard. It's best to just avoid work whenever possible.)
Don't forget Wishing! Wishing is important. Who needs goals and plans and all that "worky stuff" when you can wish upon a star? Wish upon your grandmother's pet duck, if you like, it really doesn't matter.
Okay, you're ready:
1. Believe everything you read. Assume since these people are already doing business on the Internet that they are The Authorities. Take a 1950's approach and believe whatever The Authorities tell you. Never question authority. This isn't The Sixties, y'know.
2. Accept that some slimeball - Oops! - Authority really does have "the secret" that will allow you to earn $47,351.06 every day while strolling the mall in your jammies. Or whatever they're promising.
Further conclude that he-she-it actually is a Generous and Caring Person who wants to share that "secret" with little ol'you. That would be in exchange for your sharing your money with him-her-it. It's unlikely you'll ever know anyone's name, so you'll just have to slap sticky-notes of gratitude on your monitor.
3. Trust SPAM. No, I don't mean the meat-like product that helped win World War II, I mean unsolicited email advertising. If you've been online longer than 37 seconds, you are most likely getting spam from something like "slick@scamfast.con" and his troll buddies.
One of the many things Slick likes to tempt you with is the chance to make big money by doing nothing more demanding than sending a few emails, or placing some ads, or something very simple-sounding. Oh, don't worry even a minute about the $99.95 set-up fee he wants from you today. Once you get started, Slick assures you, cash will be pouring into your mailbox every day!
Right. Cash. Which mailbox would that be, Slick? How does one email cash? Oh, they'll take care of that for you...
Another spam-borne favorite - you won't want to miss this one - is the golden opportunity to get in on the latest Deal of The Millennium "pre-launch". They don't quite tell you what It is. But It is very exciting and It is about to be launched worldwide! (must be a ship - Bon Voyage, Titanic!) For just $69.95 you can secure your place on board so when It launches (uh-huh) you'll be there! Maybe then they'll tell you what It is. Maybe not.
4. Never ask for references! You'll hurt someone's feelings and they'll think you don't trust them. I'm shocked you'd even bring it up! Shocked, I tell you!
5. Act impulsively. Buy now! Don't stop to wonder if the Secret to Making Tons of Money on The Internet Without Working is getting people - like you for example - to pay for the privilege of learning The Secret. Hurry and buy before your brain finds out what you're doing! You know how dreary thinking can be.
6. Believe that all time-sensitive offers actually are. Accept the "fact" that if you don't buy your very own goldtone buggy whip for $129.95 (normally retailing for $889.95) before midnight tonight, you'll never have another chance. Well, certainly not before tomorrow.
That should do it. You'll be finished soon. When you are, maybe you'll want to write a book about your experiences. You can call it "Gullible's Travels".
© 2001 Kent E. Butler All rights reserved.
About the Author
Kent Butler has been writing for business for 30+ years and objects to tech-speak.If you want to get the best from your computer and Internet experiences, claim your free membership (with Kent) in The Newbie Club (all plain English!) by going to http://newbieclub.com/cgi-bin/sgx/d.cgi?GetHelp
:To contact see details below.
keb@bayserve.net
http://www.butlermarketinggroup.com/
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