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LISTEN, PAUSE, CLARIFY AND VALIDATE

Category: Entrepreneurship Date: 2002-02-14
OUR ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY is one of the most precious skills we can develop. Most of the time when we think of communicating well, we think of effectively expressing ourselves. This is certainly important, but listening is the single most important of all communication skills. Its what Stephen Covey calls "Seek first to understand and THEN to be understood."

Listen
First and foremost, we must actively listen to what someone is saying. Perhaps we were given two ears and one mouth because we were supposed to listen twice as much as we speak. Look at the person who is speaking. Listen with your whole body and your whole mind. Resist the temptation to think about your response. People will appreciate your respectful listening.

Pause
This is a great habit to develop. When the speaker is finished, pause for a few seconds before responding. This guarantees that the other person has really finished talking and there is no danger of cutting them off. By pausing, we show the speaker that weve listened to them and that we respect what they had to say enough to consider it before we launch into our response.

Clarify
You could call this "Backtrack and Clarify." This is where you rephrase what was said and ask if you understood correctly. You get agreement as to the communication and you make sure that what you heard was really what was meant. It takes only a moment and prevents assumptions that create misunderstandings later.

Validate
This is the one Ive had the most trouble with. After we have clarified, we validate the opinion/feeling/expression of the other. Validation does not necessarily mean agreement. It simply means that we understand how they might feel or think about something. And if you WERE them, and had the same experience, you WOULD feel or think like them.

This whole process might seem like it would be time consuming, but its really not. Even if it takes a little longer at first, youll find that it makes for clearer, more effective communication with less hurt feelings and more understanding. Something the world needs a lot more of.

About the Author

Copyright 2001 Michael Angier & Success Networks International. Michael Angier is the founder and president of Success Networks. Success Nets mission is to inform, inspire and empower people to be their best--personally and professionally. Download their free eBooklet, KEYS TO PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS from http://www.SuccessNet.org/keys.htm. Free subscriptions, memberships, books and SuccessMark Cards are available at SuccessNet.org

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 • Affiliate Marketing
 • Affiliate Marketing - Basics
 • Affiliate Marketing - Development
 • Affiliate Marketing - Setting Up
 • Archive catalogue
 • Autoresponders
 • Banner Advertising
 • Business Development
 • Checklists
 • Competitors
 • Copy Writing
 • Copy Writing - ad copy
 • Copy Writing - email copy
 • Copy Writing - sales copy
 • Customer Service
 • Database Marketing
 • Direct Mail
 • Domain Names
 • E-books
 • E-commerce
 • E-mail Marketing
 • E-zines
 • E-zines: Advertising
 • E-zines: Promotion
 • E-zines: Subscribers
 • E-zines: Writing
 • Entrepreneurship
 • Free Services
 • Home Based Business
 • Home Based Business - Finance
 • Home Based Business - Getting Started
 • Home Based Business - is it for YOU?
 • Home Based Business - Marketing
 • Internet Tips
 • Market Research
 • Marketing
 • Marketing Strategy
 • Net Business Start ups
 • Networking(MLM)
 • Newsletters/Newsgroups
 • Online Payments
 • Online Promotion
 • PC KNOW HOW
 • Personal Development For Marketeers
 • PR/Publicity and Media
 • Sales Tips
 • Search Engines
 • Search Engines - Keywords
 • Search engines - Optimisation
 • Selling Techniques
 • Surveys and Statistics
 • Telesales
 • Top 10 Tips
 • Traffic and Tracking
 • Viral Marketing
 • Website Design and Development
 • ZeLatest