Dealing With NIUs II Revenge On The NIU Society

To the typical Non-Internet User, working over the Internet really isnt work.

I heard a commercial on the radio today that said, "The Internet is great. Where else can you sit on your duff all day staring at a computer screen and still feel like youre doing something?"

All right people, the time has come. We all know that work is work and that the Internet presents challenges like nothing else can. Success is difficult to achieve, and the Internet is no different.

What we have here is a case of complete misunderstanding and misconception by the general public.

And its time we did something about it.

In order to make the NIU (Non-Internet User) more appreciative of our profession we need to undertake the following steps:

DEALING WITH NIUs

#1 -- Use Technical Terms in Your Speech.

Dont say -- "Im building a web site to sell my e-book"

Instead say -- "Im working in Hyper Text Markup Language to create a user friendly interface destination on the world wide web with the intent of marketing an electronic file compilation of my previous informative publications."

If after saying something like this, the NIU looks at you with wide eyes, a gaping mouth, and an overall look of "huh?" then you have done your job well.

#2 -- Have Emergencies (for spouse NIUs)

Call your own phone in the middle of the night. Answer and say, "Uh-huh, yes, yes, I see, yes. That is a problem, Ill get right on it. Dont worry, it will be taken care of."

Then, hang up the phone, utter something along the lines of @#$@% and run for the computer. After that, you can check your email, sleep on the couch, play an online game, or actually do some work. Its up to you.

# 3 Dress in Office Attire and Hurry About
(for your neighborhood NIUs)

Simply dress up and walk outside at the time when your closest neighbors are headed out for work. Scurry around smacking at your pockets like you cant find something important, carry a large brief case or pile of books, and really give them an eyeful of your best morning stress routine.

Then go back inside, change into whatever you really want to wear, and relax as your computer boots up. (or go back to sleep if you work mostly late at night like some of us do).

# 4 Take Important Supplies or Errand Runs
(for spouse and neighborhood NIUs)

Head out in the car with a long list of stuff that you need to buy or do. Just create a fictional list if you dont really have anything to do, but make sure its in fine print and at least 3 feet in length. (Save the receipt from your next major trip to the grocery store if you dont want to have to create your own list. They work great!)

Then, go out to lunch, take a drive, or visit the computer store to check out the latest software or laptops.

# 5 Carry a Cell Phone or Pager.
(for all NIUs in general)

Make sure you let people know its strictly for business use only. That way you dont have to actually activate it and pay the monthly charges if you dont want. However, it can be useful for creating emergencies. Particularly if you dont really want to be where you are at and need an excuse to leave.

# 6 Always Have a Business Card on Hand.
(for all NIUs in general)

This is a good business practice anyway. However, use it on non believing NIUs only for self defense. Every time they give you a doubting look or make a derogatory comment, whip one out and politely say, "Oh, have I given you my new business card yet?"

REVENGE ON THE NIU SOCIETY

The above tactics are to be used only until such time as you know you are making significantly more money than the doubting NIU. Then switch to these tactics:

# 1 -- Make Everything Sound Really Simple.

Dont say -- "Im building a web site to sell my e-book"

Instead say -- "I need to throw up a web site at lunch today to sell that e-book I put together last night."

# 2 -- Handle Emergencies Immediately.

Call yourself on your own phone and then say, "Sure, no problem, my people are already on it. Things will be upgraded within the hour. Thanks Mr. Gates. Oh, thats right, I meant to say Bill. Talk to you later."

Then go back to doing whatever you were already doing.

# 3 -- Dress Down.

Meet your neighbors outside when they come home from work. Be wearing casual clothes, sipping on a ice cold drink, and muttering the words "up again!" over and over as you read through a copy of the Wall Street Journal.

# 4 -- Take Vacations or Day Trips.

Travel unexpectedly and always on work days for NIUs. (If you really want to get them, ask them to watch your house or feed your pets while you are gone. Then when you return invite them over for a slide show of your trip.)

# 5 -- Never Carry a Cell Phone or a Pager...

...just a wireless handheld unit with a remote connection for checking your sales and bank account balances.

# 6 -- Never Have a Business Card on Hand

When the previously doubting NIU finally concedes and shows some interest in your work by asking for a business card, just remind them of the ones youve given to him or her in the past and ask what happened to them.

Either that or say, "Are you sure you want to be seen with one, or would it be better if I just mailed it to your home address in plain brown packaging?"

Whatever you do, DONT give in to NIU pressure. You KNOW the Potential for success on the Internet. Make goals for yourself. Strive towards those goals, and dream of the day when YOUR Success will let YOU take...

REVENGE ON THE NIU SOCIETY!!!

About the Author

Written by Joe Bingham, Editor of the NetPlay Newsletter
BREAKOUT of the typical ezine rut! The NetPlay Newsletter brings you Online Business Information, News, and Opportunities -- with one Unique sense of Internet Humor. Education and FUN! Free ad to New Subscribers Visit http://www.netplaynewsletters.com/netplay.html

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