Whats Important in life to you?
| Category: Personal Development For Marketeers | Date: 2002-06-14 |
Another NLP tool from B.O.S.S.
Your Values...
Are the positive & negative emotional states that your nervous system pursues or avoids. They are your compulsions & revulsions, they are your strongest feelings about what is right or wrong for you, they dictate how you spend your time & they judge all your actions - in short they govern your entire lifestyle.
To use a computer analogy you can install any program you want, but it is your values that will override everything you put in. They are the ultimate guide to understanding, predicting, & assessing your behavior.
Some people are good at making decisions, while others struggle to do so easily. What if there was an easy way to make decisions for yourself that were always right for you? What if you already had this built in Compass which has guided all of your decisions in the past, & will always do so in the future ? Wouldnt it make sense to use the software that came factory fitted, so to speak?
Most of your values have been programmed in at random from the environment, your parents, the media, society, & your heroes. Your values about money will differ from your values about relationships, although some core values will come up time & again, as they are part of your identity. Do you understand how important it is that you discover your own values ?
The problem is that these are unconscious - you dont know why you do such things, you just know you have to. Not only that, but some values are more important than others, & every time you make a decision what actually happens is that the hierarchy of values is filtering your choices, & ultimately your actions will be determined by them. If you find yourself regretting a decision, is it simply because you went against your internal compass. Any internal conflict inside yourself comes from your values - you may have a fantastic job, but if your life goes against your values, you will be unhappy & unfulfilled.
Alternatively, a person living on the breadline but living in accordance with their values will feel satisfied inside. So lets find out what your values are ! Firstly choose one area of your life, such as Relationships or Career or Money. You then ask yourself "Whats most important to me about ____ ? Another question is "What does ___ do for me?" or "For what purpose?" Ideally you want one-word answers such as support, fun, satisfaction, excitement, health.
Once you have a list of no less than eight values, you then want to rank them in order of priority, No. 1 being the most important & No. 8 the least important. You will probably have to push yourself to come up with eight, but often they come in waves - the first few are easy, but the rest are more difficult, & you have to dig deep to get them. This is a good sign & the harder it is the more important it is. Sometimes the order of priority is difficult, in which case compare two against each other & ask yourself "If I could have x or y , which would I have ?" Run through the entire list until you have a hierarchy. This isnt always easy but the more effort you put in, the more accurate will be the results.
This is one of the most important exercises you can do - to understand what has been driving your life & how you have been making all your decisions all this time. To double check the accuracy & validity of this list pick an area of life in this context that you happy with ask yourself "How many of these eight values does this currently satisfy ?" You should find that if something is going well, it meets most of the values. The reverse is also true - pick a context that is troubling you, & ask yourself "How many of these values does this violate ?" This will dramatically illustrates the relevance & validity of the values list either way.
So what have you learned? Is this list accurate? If not, run through the entire process again until it feels right. Most people are surprised to see their core values on paper. However, becoming consciously aware of them you will learn to understand why you do what you do. Also once you know what they are, you can take steps to ensure that you experience these values on a daily basis, & when you do that life becomes more Technicolour as opposed to black & white.
Values are especially important in relationships because it is the satisfaction or violation of them that will sustain or end the partnership. People give away their values all the time in their language, & having done this exercise you will be more aware of them in conversation. Chances are people are giving strong clues about what motivates them in everyday speech.
The things that matter most are indications of our values so it is critical that your analysis is as accurate as possible. Do you spend time with people who share your core values. Any argument with another person comes about when a value is violated. Many people achieve all of their goals, have all the material things they always wanted & yet are miserable - because their values are still largely unsatisfied.
Remember: values are the compass to steer you to your ultimate destination: if we violate them we feel conflict, resistance & nagging doubt. When we live life in accordance with our values we feel rewarded & satisfied.
About the Author
Jonathan Clark
For more information about NLP and our courses, visit www.bossnlp.com, or email B.O.S.S.
jonclark@supanet.com
http://www.bossnlp.com
Your Values...
Are the positive & negative emotional states that your nervous system pursues or avoids. They are your compulsions & revulsions, they are your strongest feelings about what is right or wrong for you, they dictate how you spend your time & they judge all your actions - in short they govern your entire lifestyle.
To use a computer analogy you can install any program you want, but it is your values that will override everything you put in. They are the ultimate guide to understanding, predicting, & assessing your behavior.
Some people are good at making decisions, while others struggle to do so easily. What if there was an easy way to make decisions for yourself that were always right for you? What if you already had this built in Compass which has guided all of your decisions in the past, & will always do so in the future ? Wouldnt it make sense to use the software that came factory fitted, so to speak?
Most of your values have been programmed in at random from the environment, your parents, the media, society, & your heroes. Your values about money will differ from your values about relationships, although some core values will come up time & again, as they are part of your identity. Do you understand how important it is that you discover your own values ?
The problem is that these are unconscious - you dont know why you do such things, you just know you have to. Not only that, but some values are more important than others, & every time you make a decision what actually happens is that the hierarchy of values is filtering your choices, & ultimately your actions will be determined by them. If you find yourself regretting a decision, is it simply because you went against your internal compass. Any internal conflict inside yourself comes from your values - you may have a fantastic job, but if your life goes against your values, you will be unhappy & unfulfilled.
Alternatively, a person living on the breadline but living in accordance with their values will feel satisfied inside. So lets find out what your values are ! Firstly choose one area of your life, such as Relationships or Career or Money. You then ask yourself "Whats most important to me about ____ ? Another question is "What does ___ do for me?" or "For what purpose?" Ideally you want one-word answers such as support, fun, satisfaction, excitement, health.
Once you have a list of no less than eight values, you then want to rank them in order of priority, No. 1 being the most important & No. 8 the least important. You will probably have to push yourself to come up with eight, but often they come in waves - the first few are easy, but the rest are more difficult, & you have to dig deep to get them. This is a good sign & the harder it is the more important it is. Sometimes the order of priority is difficult, in which case compare two against each other & ask yourself "If I could have x or y , which would I have ?" Run through the entire list until you have a hierarchy. This isnt always easy but the more effort you put in, the more accurate will be the results.
This is one of the most important exercises you can do - to understand what has been driving your life & how you have been making all your decisions all this time. To double check the accuracy & validity of this list pick an area of life in this context that you happy with ask yourself "How many of these eight values does this currently satisfy ?" You should find that if something is going well, it meets most of the values. The reverse is also true - pick a context that is troubling you, & ask yourself "How many of these values does this violate ?" This will dramatically illustrates the relevance & validity of the values list either way.
So what have you learned? Is this list accurate? If not, run through the entire process again until it feels right. Most people are surprised to see their core values on paper. However, becoming consciously aware of them you will learn to understand why you do what you do. Also once you know what they are, you can take steps to ensure that you experience these values on a daily basis, & when you do that life becomes more Technicolour as opposed to black & white.
Values are especially important in relationships because it is the satisfaction or violation of them that will sustain or end the partnership. People give away their values all the time in their language, & having done this exercise you will be more aware of them in conversation. Chances are people are giving strong clues about what motivates them in everyday speech.
The things that matter most are indications of our values so it is critical that your analysis is as accurate as possible. Do you spend time with people who share your core values. Any argument with another person comes about when a value is violated. Many people achieve all of their goals, have all the material things they always wanted & yet are miserable - because their values are still largely unsatisfied.
Remember: values are the compass to steer you to your ultimate destination: if we violate them we feel conflict, resistance & nagging doubt. When we live life in accordance with our values we feel rewarded & satisfied.
About the Author
Jonathan Clark
For more information about NLP and our courses, visit www.bossnlp.com, or email B.O.S.S.
jonclark@supanet.com
http://www.bossnlp.com
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